I am smaller than I used to be
and some days I feel smaller even than that

I’ve said goodbye to parts of myself that were lost,
given up,
erased -
like numbers on a page
or numbers on a scale that make me feel sad that I feel relieved.

when I look into somebody else’s mirror now
it is me that I do not recognise,
searching for the weight, no worth of myself in
all the times I said no

I am trying to love myself
to love every angle and piece of elastic skin
that spills out over my underwear.

this smaller version of myself – is she more beautiful?
or is she just easier to manage?

I will keep trying
until I no longer recognise the fourteen-year-old child
who sat and cried and pinched her thighs

wishing parts of herself away

– Anonymous

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